Every year holidays get out stretched out further and further. People dress up for Halloween for a whole week. There are mutterings of “Merry Christmas” in November. I think this is a growing trend and the world should be prepared for the following things to happen when holidays start overlapping.
1. The merging of “Christmas” and “Hanukkah” with “Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day” so malls are filled with Santas punching Japanese people in the face and in the streets people lighting Japanese-made cars on fire using menorahs.
2. Soon Mother’s Day and Father’s day are going to collide and kids with divorced parents will have to choose who to be with and it will be a “great, which parent is gonna hate me this year,” scenario.
3. It will be the middle of March and conversations like this will occur:
Guy: “Sarah, will you be my valentine? And my wife?”
Girl: “O my god! Yes..YES! I DO!
Guy: “April Fools! I’m breaking up with you. There isn’t even a ring in here. It’s a cheerio!
4. Black History Month will soon just be called “Winter”
5. Earth Day will collide with St.Patricks Day and we’ll have events where people get wasted off green beer then vomit it into potted plants so the roots can absorb the nutrients. It will be called Green Day and “Holiday” by “Green Day” will play constantly on the radio for 3 weeks.
6. Martin Luther King Day and George Washington’s birthday will collide and it will be like “Happy Birthday MLK! Happy Birthday GW who owned slaves!…ohhhh…awkward.”