The Truth About “Skyfall”

16 Nov

I went to see James Bond in the new movie Skyfall. Here is my review:

The only man who looks better than Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love in a gray suit, is Daniel Craig as James Bond. However the plots in this movie were more twisted than Craig’s Armani tie in a perfect double windsor. Yea, a tie joke. Keep up Q you young piece of shit.

All I remember from that movie was Bond dies, has sex with a tribal woman, then comes back to life like some “resurrection is my hobby” knob. Knob yea, a British penis joke. Still following Q you fresh-out-puberty Knob-Nugget?  Judy Dench was good.

Javier Bardem looked like a female bodybuilder wearing a suit.

Also there was no Bond girl, just some sex-slave girl who was in the movie for 10 minutes until she got shot.

I was hoping “Skyfall” was going to be the name of some super-laser that can destroy the world, but it was the name of an orphanage. Also, apparently James Bond was raised by Santa.

 Like a teenager with whiskey dick, the movie built and built to a climax but it just never came. Fortunately the teenager may some day regain his dignity,  but there is little hope 007.

 Go see Wreck-it-Ralph, it’s better.



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