Tag Archives: drinking

Horse

9 Aug

A horse walks into a bar.

And the horse says, “Ouch!”

And the bar says, “Did that horse just talk?”

And the horse says, “What the fuck? A talking bar?!?”

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Bar Joke

7 Jul

a man walks into a bar

the bar finds the man quite rude for not saying excuse me after bumping into him

the bar begins to contemplate why people never treat him right

the bar wonders why his wife Merna left him all those years ago

the bar goes home, takes a shot of his favorite scotch

then another

then another

then another

the bar finds an old photo album from his wedding and begins to weep

it quickly turns to anger

the bar grabs his shotgun and hops in his car and heads for Merna’s apartment

the bar breaks down her door screaming in a drunken frenzy, “YOU WHORE, YOU FCKING WHORE.”

Merna screams in terror and pulls out a knife from the drawer

“STAY BACK YOU ANIMAL, I’ll DO IT.”

the bar rushes at her in a rage

the bar looks down

there is blood coming from the bar’s stomach

Merna cries “what have i done…WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!”

The bar in his final words whimpers, “I forgive you.”

Hi My Name is Blank

29 Apr

Instructions:

1. Fill in the first and last blank with your name

2. Fill in the rest of the blanks with the name of a friend of your’s.

3. Read aloud.

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Hi my name is _____ and I’m a _____. I’ve been _____ for about 3 years now. I lost everything I had when I became a _____. I lost my job, my kids, my wife to _____. I used to tell my wife that I was going out to a movie or something but really I would just go out somewhere and be _____. One night I came home and I smelled like _____. She knew. She just knew. She packed up the kids and left me in an empty house while I sat in the kitchen being _____. Then I stopped showing up for work and when I did go in, I would be _____. I was fired and then things spiraled out of control. I spent all the money I had left on being _____. I would wake up in the afternoon, wear my bathrobe all day and just be _____. My kids showed up and they saw me passed out in the living room being _____. That’s when I knew I needed to change. I don’t want to be a _____ anymore. I want to be me. I want to be _____. 

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Perfect Place to Take a Piss

27 Apr

Perfect Place to Take a Piss

friend of mine really had to go.

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Daily Laugh April 19th, Jim Jefferies God is for Idiots

19 Apr

Clubbing Problem Solved

13 Feb

Here’s an idea for a product that would improve clubbing:

A little light that girls would put on their lower backs when they go clubbing. If the light is green is means they want to be grinded with. If the light is yellow it means it depends if you’re hot or not. If the light is red it means please don’t dance with me. Girls could have a little controller that clips on to their front so they can switch the setting whenever they want. It could be called STOPLIGHT.

Thoughts?

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