Who’s That Guy

With:

Harris Alterman
Ben Bryant
Brad Galli
Sean Cummings

Text Message

Food is a Lie. Maybe.

I have no idea what foods are good for me. I like to think I have a general sense though. Grapes are good. Butter is bad. But who knows? The only reason I have an idea of what is good and what is bad is because of what other people have told me. When I was a kid my parents told me to “eat wheat bread because it’s good for you.” And I did. Why? Because it had fiber and I was told that fiber was good for you. However, I still don’t know what exactly fiber is. But I was told it was good for me by people that I trusted.

My food knowledge was pumped into my brain similar to how some kids have religion pumped in. When you’re young, your mind is vulnerable. When your mind is vulnerable, you accept what people put in there. Lucky for me I was only told to drink milk and not “the blood of Christ.” (Which I hear is good for your heart. But who knows?)

When I realized my nutrition knowledge was crummy, I decided to do some research. However, this didn’t seem to help. Every bit of information that I found had an opposing view. One researcher says eggs are good for you. Another researcher says eggs are bad for you. Another researcher says egg cause cancer. Another researcher says eggs are good for you if the mother was a Gemini. I didn’t know who to believe.

After doing some research, even some of my deepest food beliefs were debunked. I had always believed that whole grain was good for you. However, many researchers were claiming that the health benefits of whole grain were a myth. Whole grain had betrayed me. Whole grain had told me I was good person because I looked Wonder Bread in the face every week at the grocery store and said, “I don’t care if you taste better, I’m going with the grainy guy.” Whole grain was a lie. Maybe. Because other researchers still supported the glory of whole grain.

If researchers can’t decide on what is healthy, then I don’t think I can either because I’m not going to put as much time into research as they do. I think I’ll just survive on water from now on because I’m pretty sure water is good for you. And if I find out it’s not, then God is real and I’ll switch to drinking the blood of Christ. It’s definitely good for your heart.

Audition Day

I’m Not Gay

Oops….

Fur Coat

The heat broke and I am freezing.